Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. Each of them was nearly thirty years old but they still lived at home with their parents in Dublin. They each dreamed of moving out and owning houses of their own. But silly ideas like that weren’t allowed in a free-market economy, so the pigs decided to take matters into their own hands.
They decided to run away together to live off-grid. They drove out to the countryside and began building houses out of whatever cheap materials they could find.
The first pig built his house out of straw. The second pig built his house out of sticks. And the third pig built his house out of asbestos. It took a lot of hard work but at long last each of them finally had a place to call their own.
Then one day a hungry wolf arrived in the neighbourhood. But he wasn’t just any old wolf.
He was big. He was bad. And worst of all — he worked for the government.
He was the Minister for Pork Products and Farmyard Affairs. And it turned out that the three little pigs had failed to obtain the necessary permits to carry out all their construction work.
So the wolf went to the house made out of straw, and he knocked on the front door.
“Little pig, little pig, let me come in, or I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in.”
And the first little pig replied, “No, no, no, not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin.”
The wolf thought that last bit was very strange as he hadn’t mentioned anything about the little pig’s chin. But what he didn’t realise was that this particular swine was very self-conscious about his body hair.
Anyway, the wolf was angry now. So he took a deep breath…
And he huffed…
And he puffed…
And he stepped to one side while a Garda Public Order Unit evicted the pig from his home!
Sadly, the pig was taken to a nearby abattoir to be terminated, mutilated, wrapped in plastic, and sold on the international market as ethical free-range meat.
Meanwhile, the wolf paid a visit to the house made out of sticks. Filling out a stack of paperwork, he deemed the building a derelict danger to public safety. And so just like his friend before him, the second little pig was given a one-way ticket to the nearest slaughterhouse.
But then the wolf arrived at the house made out of asbestos. And he discovered that the third little pig had already moved out and sold his home to an international vulture fund.
“That’s fantastic,” said the wolf. “What a brilliant investment.”
The End.
